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Sep 17, 2014

The Lesbian Vibe, Part II

Part I of The Lesbian Vibe was about sexual attraction; nonverbal hints and exchanges that express interest, followed up by smiles.  We’ll get to smiling later.

Part II: How do we know?

How do you see the gay?  Is it really in the eyes?  It has taken nearly ten years for me to organize my thoughts and build up the courage to write about women.  So believe me, when it comes to eyes, the look doesn’t say, “Hey, I’m gay!  Are you gay?” I believe the exact thought, especially with spaghetti girls, is, “I’m hiding my attraction to you.”

Suddenly I have women back in my life and the sparkly eyes are KILLIN’ ME, SMALLS!  Is this the feeling of fluttering butterflies or the fluttering of our periods synching up?  


No.1 - Know the players.  Why is she hiding her attraction?  Are you hiding your attraction?  Are you hiding it better or worse than she is?

No. 2 - Why are you two hiding?  Do you have equally good reasons for being closet trolls?  I only care about you, so take my advice — If there’s no good reason to hide it, don’t!  Bad reasons include shame, lack of confidence, and other generally negative feelings.  Good reasons to hide, or, resist entirely, include inappropriate relationships, due to marital status, age, the workplace, etc.

No.3 - Resistance requires dedication.  You’ve got to NEED that shit.  You wanna resist? GOOD LUCK.  You NEED to resist?  Then buckle down.  Cut that shit out.  Lay low for a while, with your spouse on top of you, rather than the 18 year old roofer wrecking your accountability.  Thinking is cheating.

No.4 - If you can tell she thought the thought, she knows you know she’s thinking about it.  Unless you knew enough and were opportunistic when it came to keeping the threatening smirk at bay, I promise you gave yourself away, probably in the first split second of finding her out.

No.5 - For now, run.  You are officially a target for her nervous/angsty energy, however small or large the amount she has saved up while trying not to make ‘fuck me’ eyes with you.  

No.6 - When your nerves are calm (personally I’d give it a week if you can, safe) and you feel like you’ll be able to make eye contact without setting off glittery eyes or warm smiles or anything else that makes you want to touch her.  Stay strong.  Your weakness gives her power, and remember, you need the power now, to make it past the Boss you’re about to face.  She has been thinking.  Okay?  For a week!  So really it’s anyone’s game.  Back to square one.  Nonverbal reading will guide you in, but too much and your indulgence will put you back in time out with the hiding the thoughts.

Report Back.

Coming soon:

The Lesbian Vibe, Part III:

Learn to know the difference between kinds of smiles.

Jun 8, 2014 / 133 notes
Jun 8, 2014 / 27 notes
happy pride 2014
Jun 8, 2014 / 195 notes

happy pride 2014

Jun 5, 2014 / 184,263 notes

gay update:

 still gay

(via lezbeontumb1r)

Jun 3, 2014 / 1 note
Jun 2, 2014 / 109,828 notes
Jun 2, 2014 / 1 note


I can’t tell you how happy I am that this is rule #1.

Jun 2, 2014 / 288 notes
Jun 2, 2014 / 370 notes


Me’Shell NdegéOcello - Fool Of Me

For those of you who want to wallow in your tragic, beautiful, lesbian sadness with me, just for a few perfectly dramatic minutes, press play.

Jun 1, 2014 / 278 notes
The idea of being pregnant for twenty years is a nightmare. Holding it and holding it can’t be good. You don’t want to fetishize your own pain. You don’t want to fall in love with your own story of tragedy. I think I definitely did that for a while. My identity was about that story. And it was very comfortable, in a way. But it was also really tedious and draining, and not helpful for me in terms of the life that I wanted to live and manifest.
Rebecca Walker on being “pregnant” with the story of your own pain - Conversations with Writers Braver Than Me #16 - Sari Botton for The Rumpus (via cilantro-green)
Jun 1, 2014 / 123 notes
Jun 1, 2014 / 312 notes

Anonymous said: just wanted you to know i'm still praying for you and your kind.


You’ll be praying for a while because we aren’t going anywhere :)

You can’t pray away the gay.

fight the power


Me’shell Ndegeocello
Jun 1, 2014 / 390 notes


Me’shell Ndegeocello

Jun 1, 2014 / 743 notes


Queen Latifah, Yo Yo, Lisa Left Eye Lopes, MC Lyte, Patra, Meshell Ndegeocello, Salt-N-Pepa, Nefertiti - Freedom (Rap Version)